And with that truth, clarity follows upon reminiscence of their conversations during the sunshot campaign and the discordance which arose. Lan Wangji had thought his advice valid, necessary, and he remembers the frustrations felt when Wei Ying would not listen, would not stop harming his core, would not return to Gusu to be cleansed.
Of course now he understands how self-serving the requests, the demands had been, but they must have seemed extra conceited when there was no core there to even damage. In the silence, his fingers clasp tighter to hold the hand within his own as Lan Wangji wonders just how much of Wei Wuxian's past rejection was due to his dislike of what was asked and how much was because he knew it ultimately pointless. How different would it have been, if he'd been worthy enough to let it be a secret shared? ]
That is why you renounced touch. Refused they playing of Clarity. Only let Wen Qing aid you in Yiling.
[ Yeah so maybe he held onto that smidgen of jealousy for a million years.. ]
[ At Lan Wangji's words, his own thoughts drift back to those days. The strife between the two of them, the distance. Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji. Anger towards each other that was so woefully misplaced. And then later — But I, Wei Ying, promise you I will never degenerate into demonic cultivation. A promise that could never be kept.
Wei Wuxian sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, before slowly nodding his head. ]
It was easier to be a pariah than have people know the truth. It's not as if I enjoyed it, of course, but I could take it. The rumors, the scorn, the insults. They were nothing if it meant that Jiang Cheng was safe and whole. That my sect could be rebuilt.
[ And then... and Wen Qing happened. Wen Ning. Seeing what was left of the Wens. Knowing his debt to them. Knowing he couldn't abandon them. So, no, he no longer had a clan after that. Then he was the Yiling Patriarch, he had a different family. ]
It was... easier, afterwards, in Yiling. Wen Qing and Wen Ning, they both knew the truth. I didn't have to hide. On the days it was bad — Wen Qing was able to help. If Clarity would have helped, I would have let you play it for me. But it wouldn't and then you would know and I was ... scared. To see your reaction to the truth.
[ Lan Wangji wishes he could say with confidence what his answer back then would have been. To stand by Wei Ying's side, to fight whoever oppressed him, sullied his name, pinned crimes upon him.
Yet he knows in reality, he cannot. He did not know the truth back then, but still he repressed the whims of his heart, and could not go against the wishes of clan until it was too late. The one regret that hung around his neck more than any other.
At Nightless City, I was not at your side. ]
Wei Ying.
[He calls, gaze firmly fixed upon the other man. Never again. He knows now, with great certainty, that no matter what it is he shall stand at Wei Wuxian's side. Even if unaware of the situation, he trusts the other man enough to know that following him would be the right thing to do. ]
In the future, if you encounter trouble. Worries. Share them with me. No matter what is perceived as right or wrong, I shall stand beside you.
[ At the sound of his name, he pulls his head back to look at Lan Wangji and it's after their gazes are locked that Lan Wangji says his piece. And it is... meaningful to hear it, even if he knew it already. Here he has confessed the details of his biggest secret and Lan Wangji's response is to recommit himself to Wei Wuxian's side, no matter what.
He is touched. ]
Okay. I will.
[ And then he smiles, wide and soft as he looks at Lan Wangji with such fondness. ]
Whatever is in my heart shall be known to you. I won't hide anything.
[ Except for one thing — which is his true feelings for Lan Wangji. But even he's not fully aware of that right now. ]
[ Except, you know, the giant secret about being completely in love with you for decades. But that one's been going on for so long it doesn't count... right? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And with that truth, clarity follows upon reminiscence of their conversations during the sunshot campaign and the discordance which arose. Lan Wangji had thought his advice valid, necessary, and he remembers the frustrations felt when Wei Ying would not listen, would not stop harming his core, would not return to Gusu to be cleansed.
Of course now he understands how self-serving the requests, the demands had been, but they must have seemed extra conceited when there was no core there to even damage. In the silence, his fingers clasp tighter to hold the hand within his own as Lan Wangji wonders just how much of Wei Wuxian's past rejection was due to his dislike of what was asked and how much was because he knew it ultimately pointless. How different would it have been, if he'd been worthy enough to let it be a secret shared? ]
That is why you renounced touch. Refused they playing of Clarity. Only let Wen Qing aid you in Yiling.
[ Yeah so maybe he held onto that smidgen of jealousy for a million years.. ]
no subject
Wei Wuxian sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, before slowly nodding his head. ]
It was easier to be a pariah than have people know the truth. It's not as if I enjoyed it, of course, but I could take it. The rumors, the scorn, the insults. They were nothing if it meant that Jiang Cheng was safe and whole. That my sect could be rebuilt.
[ And then... and Wen Qing happened. Wen Ning. Seeing what was left of the Wens. Knowing his debt to them. Knowing he couldn't abandon them. So, no, he no longer had a clan after that. Then he was the Yiling Patriarch, he had a different family. ]
It was... easier, afterwards, in Yiling. Wen Qing and Wen Ning, they both knew the truth. I didn't have to hide. On the days it was bad — Wen Qing was able to help. If Clarity would have helped, I would have let you play it for me. But it wouldn't and then you would know and I was ... scared. To see your reaction to the truth.
no subject
Yet he knows in reality, he cannot. He did not know the truth back then, but still he repressed the whims of his heart, and could not go against the wishes of clan until it was too late. The one regret that hung around his neck more than any other.
At Nightless City, I was not at your side. ]
Wei Ying.
[He calls, gaze firmly fixed upon the other man. Never again. He knows now, with great certainty, that no matter what it is he shall stand at Wei Wuxian's side. Even if unaware of the situation, he trusts the other man enough to know that following him would be the right thing to do. ]
In the future, if you encounter trouble. Worries. Share them with me. No matter what is perceived as right or wrong, I shall stand beside you.
no subject
He is touched. ]
Okay. I will.
[ And then he smiles, wide and soft as he looks at Lan Wangji with such fondness. ]
Whatever is in my heart shall be known to you. I won't hide anything.
[ Except for one thing — which is his true feelings for Lan Wangji. But even he's not fully aware of that right now. ]
no subject
I too, shall not keep secrets from you.
[ Except, you know, the giant secret about being completely in love with you for decades. But that one's been going on for so long it doesn't count... right? ]